This one: my favorite.) Santa Marta is pretty much the baddest of the bunch. But then angels carried her body off to Mount Sinai, so that part was nice. In the end, Catherine was… yes… beheaded. But - get this - when our silver-tongued scholar touched that thing: poof! It shattered to bits! Growing desperate, the extremely angry emperor condemned Catherine to death on the wheel. Max couldn’t put those guys to death fast enough. Meanwhile, left and right, Max’s buddies were converting to Christianity, thanks to Catherine’s eloquence. Being a man of excess pride and limited wit, Max felt his only option was to imprison Catherine. Did I mention my girl was smart as hell? She verbally slayed that emperor, plus his posse of scholars. So Catherine called him out, and they had a fierce debate. Going on and on about Roman gods and crap. But Emperor Maximinus got on her nerves, man. Daughter of the Governor of Alexandria (Egypt), she saw a vision of the Virgin Mary as a girl and really found her groove with Christ. This virgin scholar loved her some book-learnin’. King Charlie apologized later and cleared Jeanne’s name, but too little too late, dude! What the heck? She looks amazing in those breeches.) Her former bud, Charles VII (who was made king because of Jeanne, thank you very much), totally dissed her at this point, and her captors were like, shrug, what can we do?. Those jerkwads then charged Jeanne with a whole slew of crimes, including heresy, witchcraft, and dressing like a man. In her second big battle, Jeanne was thrown from her horse, abandoned, and taken captive by the Anglos. She’d begun hearing voices at age 13 and was convinced God had dealt her a mission to save France. Young Jeanne (you may know her as Joanie) loved God, said “no thanks” to marriage, and rode a horse like a true gender-nonconforming bandit. Seventeen-year-old peasant girl leads an army into battle? Thumbs her nose at Anglo occupiers and drives French forces to victory? After her death, Quiteria became a cult symbol across Portugal, northern Spain, and southern France, where centuries later, feasts are still held in her name. Look, I didn’t promise happy endings, ok? Not in life anyway. When the law finally caught up, Quiteria was - gulp - beheaded. Dad got pissed and had all nine girls locked away in a tower, but then: (escape number two!) they busted out of that joint and formed a roving guerilla gang, breaking Christians free from jail and wreaking havoc on the Roman Empire. When Papa Prince discovered his daughters years later, he asked them to be good girls and marry nice Roman officials and recognize respectable Roman gods. Their mother, disgusted by the ordeal, demanded all nine girls drowned, but (first escape!) a maid hooked them up with a nice peasant lady, who was like, yeah, sure, I can raise nine extra babies, nbd. Portuguese legend has it that she was one of nine daughters of a 5th century Galician prince - all born simultaneously. Here, friends, I present nine truly badass lady saints. These are the edgy ladies, the gals with serious ovaries, the ones who make a girl say, hell yeah, I’ll light a candle to her. (Although many of them were those things too.) (Also, have you met the Nuns on a Bus? Or seen Sister Act? Don’t mess with nuns is all I’m saying.) In other words, the ladies you are about to meet are not your average nuns, virgins, and mystics. There are a lot of saints on the books (more than 10,000 at last count), and while many of them exemplify purity, charity and other snooze-inducing virtues, there are others who were, shall we say, a bit more complex. I’m talking about actual, living, breathing, historical women here - ladies who led the way, stood up for their convictions, and weren’t afraid to cause a ruckus or die for their cause.ĭisclaimer: The information I’m about to reveal is supremely biased - biased in favor of amazing. Before Marvel Comics got in on the superheroine game, the Catholic Church had that ish on lock. You, my friend, have been missing out on some terrific role models.įact: Jessica Jones wasn’t the first shero with a chip on her shoulder and supernatural muscles to flex. When I say “lady saint,” what’s the first word that comes to mind? Was it “badass”? No? Well, that is just so sad.
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